Two nights in a row.... hopefully this isn't old habits coming back to haunt me....
I've started the night with "it feels like rain"
I talked to an old friend tonight... how my heart ached. This wasn't just any friend. Not just some person I met and missed for a while. But someone who is a part of me. A part of my being, the very depths of my soul are touched by this friend. Sometimes, we truly dont even know the value of friends like this until they disappear and magically reappear for a moment to retouch your heart and remind you that they exist inside you. Somewhere deep, somewhere that you've put away inside yourself so the pain of losing them doesn't sneek up on you.
I believe that we get a few glimpes of heaven. Friends who touch our souls are the very thing that convince me that heaven even exists in the first place. So, yes, they REALLY are that wonderful. I believe that we connect with people sometimes in way that is irreplaceable, a stong and undeniable bond that can be ignored but never broken. So why is it that we choose to ignore them sometimes? What is it inside ourselves that makes us ignore a bond so strong? A bond that others can see from a mile away? A bond that can intimidate our partners, even if there is no reason aside from the actual strength of the connection in and of itself? Why do we deny ourselves the complete happiness that comes from having people like this in our lives? Does the feeling of the bond become so much that it's almost unfathomable that it really does it exist? That it just isn't possible to be so very connected to any one person? However, we still know its there, we're still affected by it. The absense of that person, that bond you share, creates a hole. A part of you is drawn back to them over and over, if even for a moment, a small part of the void being filled by the nature of what you talk about, see or feel. Its not romantic, its genuine, from heart to soul understanding. Its the complete and utter feeling of bliss to have that kind of bond and understanding from another human being. People with this kind of connection are few and far between, and you can't just let them go, they are part of you. Don't ignore it... embrace it. Look at the people around you, the ones you could live without but just don't want to, and really shouldn't have to.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
A ceasar instead of tea.
What if you....
Dreamt a dream today and had it come true?
Said all the things you've always wanted to say?
Went somewhere you've never been before?
Lived your life in someone elses shoes?
Took back all the things you never meant to say?
Heard someone else's thoughts?
Went back and relived the best moment of your life?
Had no regrets?
Said forever and knew what it meant?
What if you could? Would you?
Dreamt a dream today and had it come true?
Said all the things you've always wanted to say?
Went somewhere you've never been before?
Lived your life in someone elses shoes?
Took back all the things you never meant to say?
Heard someone else's thoughts?
Went back and relived the best moment of your life?
Had no regrets?
Said forever and knew what it meant?
What if you could? Would you?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Who's your #1?
Hey everyone!! So sorry for taking so long to post something new. Believe me it's not for lack of material, but with a busy 6 month old, moving and renovations, I've barely had time to shower. Probably an overshare, but oh well....
So a friend recently came to stay with us, a relationship that is at a turning point and needed some downtime to figure shit out. Of course, I told him he is welcome to stay as long as he needs. So naturally, this is a good friend, so we started to chat about what was going on. That also led to other conversations about other friends who are with people who don't make them happy anymore but are still in these relationships, running themselves down, abusing their own egos, and why?? What is the point? At what point do we stop putting ourselves first? And why do we ever stop putting ourselves first?
In my circle of friends, we provide a judgement free zone. So when someone we love is doing something self-desructive, we point it out, and let them argue it out as to why they're doing it. But even in life as a whole, all relationships aside, why do we stop to think about what everyone else wants, thinks, feels, and leave our selves to consider last, or worse, not at all? When did our lives suddenly have to become about everyone else? Is this why some of us can through our entire adult life never knowing who we are or what we want simply because we've never taken the time to sit down and think about it? We're just too damn busy thinking about everyone else. Is this where some people get confused as to what constitutes selfish? Where does one draw the line between doing whats right for you and where it becomes selfish? And is it not a god given right to be selfish at times? I mean, if we didn't really stop and take what we need for ourselves, the mental institutions would have a much bigger number of patients than they already do. I firmly believe that some people should already be there, but get denied at the door due to "NO VACANCY" (This is how I believe the town of selkirk became a town. People started camping out... LOL, and actually now, I believe its called a city. HA!)
All jokes aside, when truly do we stop and say "No, this is for me. Nobody else." And get to feel good about it? When I moved overseas for myself, and ONLY myself, I had people trying to guilt me into staying and telling me I was being selfish for going. It was the point that I realized that I wasnt the one with the problem. If you are surrounded by people who chastise you for doing what you need to do for yourself, for your own well being, or just because you DAMN WELL FEEL LIKE IT, who the fuck are they to tell you that you're wrong? If in the end of it all, all you have is yourself, all you can rely on is yourself, or even only have yourself to blame, then what is the problem? Now granted there are times when TRUE selfishness exists. Where in my own mind it is just morally WRONG. I'm sure I don't need to give examples. If I do, stop reading my blog right.this.minute.
So this is my stand! This is where I say, DON'T be afraid to do things for yourself. DON'T let anyone make you feel bad about what YOU think is best for you. NO ONE knows whats best for you better than you do. NO ONE. I don't care who they are. Do what's best for you at the time. If it doesn't work out, then you only have yourself to blame. And if it does, then you get to feel the happiness that comes from knowing that you did the right thing. Don't let yourself get to the point where others come before you. If you are rundown, unhappy, dissatisfied, uncontent because you're too worried that your loved one, (boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, mother, father, sister, brother.... you fill in the gap) will not want to hear it, cause its not what they want to hear.... too bad. Take care of yourself first. You're no good to anyone, including yourself if you're miserable cause you're not taking care of you.
So a friend recently came to stay with us, a relationship that is at a turning point and needed some downtime to figure shit out. Of course, I told him he is welcome to stay as long as he needs. So naturally, this is a good friend, so we started to chat about what was going on. That also led to other conversations about other friends who are with people who don't make them happy anymore but are still in these relationships, running themselves down, abusing their own egos, and why?? What is the point? At what point do we stop putting ourselves first? And why do we ever stop putting ourselves first?
In my circle of friends, we provide a judgement free zone. So when someone we love is doing something self-desructive, we point it out, and let them argue it out as to why they're doing it. But even in life as a whole, all relationships aside, why do we stop to think about what everyone else wants, thinks, feels, and leave our selves to consider last, or worse, not at all? When did our lives suddenly have to become about everyone else? Is this why some of us can through our entire adult life never knowing who we are or what we want simply because we've never taken the time to sit down and think about it? We're just too damn busy thinking about everyone else. Is this where some people get confused as to what constitutes selfish? Where does one draw the line between doing whats right for you and where it becomes selfish? And is it not a god given right to be selfish at times? I mean, if we didn't really stop and take what we need for ourselves, the mental institutions would have a much bigger number of patients than they already do. I firmly believe that some people should already be there, but get denied at the door due to "NO VACANCY" (This is how I believe the town of selkirk became a town. People started camping out... LOL, and actually now, I believe its called a city. HA!)
All jokes aside, when truly do we stop and say "No, this is for me. Nobody else." And get to feel good about it? When I moved overseas for myself, and ONLY myself, I had people trying to guilt me into staying and telling me I was being selfish for going. It was the point that I realized that I wasnt the one with the problem. If you are surrounded by people who chastise you for doing what you need to do for yourself, for your own well being, or just because you DAMN WELL FEEL LIKE IT, who the fuck are they to tell you that you're wrong? If in the end of it all, all you have is yourself, all you can rely on is yourself, or even only have yourself to blame, then what is the problem? Now granted there are times when TRUE selfishness exists. Where in my own mind it is just morally WRONG. I'm sure I don't need to give examples. If I do, stop reading my blog right.this.minute.
So this is my stand! This is where I say, DON'T be afraid to do things for yourself. DON'T let anyone make you feel bad about what YOU think is best for you. NO ONE knows whats best for you better than you do. NO ONE. I don't care who they are. Do what's best for you at the time. If it doesn't work out, then you only have yourself to blame. And if it does, then you get to feel the happiness that comes from knowing that you did the right thing. Don't let yourself get to the point where others come before you. If you are rundown, unhappy, dissatisfied, uncontent because you're too worried that your loved one, (boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, mother, father, sister, brother.... you fill in the gap) will not want to hear it, cause its not what they want to hear.... too bad. Take care of yourself first. You're no good to anyone, including yourself if you're miserable cause you're not taking care of you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)