I've been writing in my head for weeks now... a never ending buzz of emotions and thoughts, oddly enough none provoked by music... but more so the things I see and read, or the people who are in my life but not by my own choice, I guess in some inadvertent way it is my choice... but really that's just a matter of semantics.
Two things that originally were swirling around in my head was veterans week and this article in Cosmo about the so called "dog whistle" woman which had very black and white responses. Now considering that these two are both VERY different topics to touch but somehow can both be in the same blog should be interesting. Which brings me to today.
In one of my past postings I posted a picture of a tattoo on my foot with a ribbon that shows my eternal love and support to a friend in the military and another who died of cancer. One of the two is home safe and buying her first home... and it fills my heart with so much joy and love. However, painful reminders of those we've loved and lost are around every corner. They creep up on you in places you'd never think they would and kick you in the ass in such a way that when you look in the mirror you can recognize your own pain.
But what happens when one of those people who are in your life, but only because of affiliation and don't know shit about you and have the nerve to judge YOUR emotion based on their own insecurities?! Individuals who have no loyalty or self confidence decide that your emotion is less valuable than theirs because you are what they want to be but never will be?? I, according to this article in Cosmo, fall into the "dog whistle" category, well... to some extent anyway. A confident, attractive woman, who relates to men on a man's level and pisses off their girlfriends unintentionally with my "flirting"...I can sit on a man's lap without having the urge to sleep with him, but everyone else who wants to have that kind of ability but doesn't; thinks you do. Women have always either liked me, or they don't. And, to what I've been able to discover about the women who don't; they are typically the insecure, disloyal, attention seeking women who need a man to validate who they are as women. They allow men to dictate the happiness in their lives and sometimes even make major decisions that later in life they've come to regret. ALL of that to please ANOTHER person of the opposite sex because you don't know how to be happy by yourself AND then have the fucking audacity to judge ME? FUCK YOU.
Here's something to know about me. I am a confident, attractive woman. I have ambition and drive. I'm intelligent and well spoken. I can sit on a man's lap and not need to have sex with him or even want to. I can laugh at myself. I learn from my mistakes, I take responsibility for my actions and my choices. I am LOYAL and for those who are close to me, have an unconditional, non-judgmental LOVE. And when one of those people die, and rips my heart out from my chest, WHO the fuck are YOU to say that my emotion is selfish?
You can decide not to like me. But don't dislike me because I'm all the things that you are not. YOUR insecurities are not for me to cater to. Its NOT my problem if your pity party for yourself is the only way to get any kind of attention. STOP blaming others for your choices.We, as adults, have the ability to make choices and decisions all on our own. We do NOT have to take into consideration anyone else's opinions. If you want to be the kind of person that people, not just men, pay attention to, then have something about you from the inside that's WORTH paying attention to. Your dislike for me and the kind of woman I am, and stand for; is not going to further you in your life. Its not going to make people like you any more, unless of course they are of the same nature. I'm not the reason why women like you don't get the men you want, the jobs you strive for, the friends you desire. YOU ARE.
So please, take your bullshit somewhere else. To others of your kind cause your shit isn't welcome here anymore. Out of loyalty I tolerated you, but now out of self respect, I now will no longer tolerate your selfishness or your judgment. I am confident enough to not need you to like me, maybe you'll get there yourself one day. But I will not be your punching bag until you do.
