Tonight I'm laying on my couch booking movie tickets for friday... Yes, it is a movie that either you will roll your eyes at, or squeal like a 13 year old girl over. I do both. Usually the squeal and then roll my eyes at myself. However, as my inspiration comes from the strangest sources sometimes, it got me on an abnormally long train of thought that landed in religion.
Crap. I fucking hate religion. Or more so, the topic of.
We are raised to believe that its only ok to have an imaginary friend up until a certain age, and then, after that its really not the greatest idea. However, if we can collectively come up with a vast majority of people to believe in the same imaginary friend, its called a religion. It creates a foundation to justify the rules and regulations we set out per culture and/or religion. For example; Christianity states in the 10 commandments that a man shall not commit adultery and thou shall not covet thy neighbors wife. And polygamy (which was originated FROM Christianity) is defined as a marriage that has more than 2 partners. So not to sound sexist, but it seems to me that "god" of christianity is a chick. And the "god" of polygamy is a man.
LOL, ok so before everyone gets all offended, there IS foundation of my basic interpretation. Think back to times way before ours. Romans, Greeks, etc. First, I'd like to point out that back then, it was incredibly NORMAL for a man to have a wife, children, a mistress and as I like to call it a "mister" as well. Orgy's and other sexual behaviours were common. Not frowned upon or condoned. And second, Women were also intimate with other women or often took male lovers but were expected to remain discreet. It wasn't the act itself that people were upset by, it was the simple fact that when it became public knowledge it was then a problem. back to basic's right? What goes on beyond closed doors, is nobody's business. As human beings, we haven`t really evolved that much. Actually, I`d say we`re worse. Which brings me back to my comparison of gods. Men, in most cases, want it all. The best of the best of everything. And women want to be better than the best- so the extreme point that you just can`t find any better and there for just having one of us is enough. Now, I as a woman, get what some of you are thinking. But, we all know, deep down in our hearts, that we are FAR more competitive than any man ever could be. And that is what drives us to be better than the best. Men will take the best of many things and be satisfied. As women, we strive to be more, do better, and be stronger. Our bodies CREATE life. A strength often overlooked by men. So before you get offended, stop to think and consider what I`m saying. You know there is a truth in it, in you...
Religion isn`t just about the sex though( Don`t I wish!) Its about faith. About believing is something- ANYTHING that will help ease our minds, and soothe our souls when we are at our loneliest, darkest, saddest moments. When we need to believe in a greater good, that there is a reason or just cause for our losses, hardships and other life lessons. Justification. We need it. We need to justify and understand. To logic. When there are things we cannot understand or justify, we turn to our imaginary friend for comfort. For praise. For Help. For guidance. In the end, it is our ACCEPTANCE and solely OUR CONSCIENCE ACCEPTANCE that not everything can be explained; THAT eases our mind. If you were to say a prayer without bowing your head (or other appropriate method of displaying your prayer) people just classify you as talking to yourself. Do this repeatedly and watch how quickly you see the white lights... of a padded room. I believe we all have the right to sanity. So, if religion is your sanity, your solace, keep your faith. Keep your sanity. However, where ever you find it.
So pick a religion, any religion. In the end, we all know one common thing. We die. I don`t think it matters if you believed in a god who thinks you should have one wife or 10. Or that you shouldn`t eat a certain animal or That you can`t be gay.
You should only be believing without doubt, that you lead a good life. That your intentions are good (even if the road to hell is paved with good intentions- lol) You do what you think is right. No, not everyone will agree with it. No, not everyone will support it. No, you will not always hear what you want to hear, and No, you will never convince me that is right for you is necessarily right for me.
Religion is kinda like ice cream, you pick the flavor you like at the time, and if you change your mind, no big deal, there`s many more to choose from, and new ones are popping up everyday. We shouldn`t make faces or judge each other decisions, our judgment comes from our beliefs being different than others. I say, accept it. Like you want others to accept your choices. Regardless of what they believe. The only common thing I`ve ever, in my lifetime have been able to agree on with every person I`ve met and discussed it with is simply this -
Treat others the way you want to be treated.
I don`t think you can ever go in the wrong direction with that one.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
L.O.V.E
I know its been a long time... I just lost my inspiration for a while...
But tonight, I'm inspired by my music (adele) and love...the real, deep down, makes your heart ache, twists your stomach up in knots kind. The kind we all want, but seldom find and wonder where the hell it is...
My close friend is getting married on saturday. And she and I are similar in the fact that we don't get "girly" about things. You know, the giddy, make you squeal, do a little dance when no one is looking kinda girly. But she's ready to burst with happiness. I watch her posts on her facebook page, and her text messages with all the exclamation marks and I can't help but smile every time. I smile even as I write this cause her joy is contagious to anyone who really loves her. Watching the people I love be in love, or happy fills me with love. So on saturday, when I watch her pledge her love, I will not be the girl sitting there wishing I was in her shoes (or if I do its because they are a FANTASTIC shade of blue) but instead be grateful that she is one less person I know who will never have to be without it.
A careful reminder to myself of how blessed with love I am; A ring on my finger, not for engagement, but for love from a special man. A ring on another as a reminder of love from my mother, another from a close friend. A necklace around my neck as a constant reminder of MY love for life. Some of us spend so much time dwelling on what we don't have, that we forget what we DO have.
It may not always be in the same form as someone else we know, however, its never any less meaningful. Nor should it ever be taken for granted. But at the end of every day, self love is most important, for without it, the rest would cease to exist. The rule in which I learned the hard way is; if you don't love you, no one else will either. It is only self love that allows us to prevail over broken hearts, bad relationships (of all kinds; romantic, family or friends)it creates a strength that allows our hearts to ignore the shit, and move on to something better. To grow from our losses, our defeats and abuse.
So, when I watch those I love, love others wholly and without reservation, while still loving themselves, I feel admiration and pride in knowing that they ignored the shit, grew stronger and better and now get to move on. I think that if we remember to forget the crap that pulls us down and take a look around once in a while to refresh our memory of how fuckin lucky we really are, things won't weigh us down so easily. And then, when they get married or have children or anything else that gives them that much joy we can say CONGRATULATIONS! and mean it without jealousy or envy.
So, my friend, I love you and your family. And I would bend over backwards for anyone I love. To be able to watch you get married fills my heart with so much joy. You deserve every happiness possible. And I swear to you, the only thing I will be jealous or envious of, is the fact that you have those amazing shoes and I don't!!!! I love you. I wish you both nothing but the best for everyday of your life.
But tonight, I'm inspired by my music (adele) and love...the real, deep down, makes your heart ache, twists your stomach up in knots kind. The kind we all want, but seldom find and wonder where the hell it is...
My close friend is getting married on saturday. And she and I are similar in the fact that we don't get "girly" about things. You know, the giddy, make you squeal, do a little dance when no one is looking kinda girly. But she's ready to burst with happiness. I watch her posts on her facebook page, and her text messages with all the exclamation marks and I can't help but smile every time. I smile even as I write this cause her joy is contagious to anyone who really loves her. Watching the people I love be in love, or happy fills me with love. So on saturday, when I watch her pledge her love, I will not be the girl sitting there wishing I was in her shoes (or if I do its because they are a FANTASTIC shade of blue) but instead be grateful that she is one less person I know who will never have to be without it.
A careful reminder to myself of how blessed with love I am; A ring on my finger, not for engagement, but for love from a special man. A ring on another as a reminder of love from my mother, another from a close friend. A necklace around my neck as a constant reminder of MY love for life. Some of us spend so much time dwelling on what we don't have, that we forget what we DO have.
It may not always be in the same form as someone else we know, however, its never any less meaningful. Nor should it ever be taken for granted. But at the end of every day, self love is most important, for without it, the rest would cease to exist. The rule in which I learned the hard way is; if you don't love you, no one else will either. It is only self love that allows us to prevail over broken hearts, bad relationships (of all kinds; romantic, family or friends)it creates a strength that allows our hearts to ignore the shit, and move on to something better. To grow from our losses, our defeats and abuse.
So, when I watch those I love, love others wholly and without reservation, while still loving themselves, I feel admiration and pride in knowing that they ignored the shit, grew stronger and better and now get to move on. I think that if we remember to forget the crap that pulls us down and take a look around once in a while to refresh our memory of how fuckin lucky we really are, things won't weigh us down so easily. And then, when they get married or have children or anything else that gives them that much joy we can say CONGRATULATIONS! and mean it without jealousy or envy.
So, my friend, I love you and your family. And I would bend over backwards for anyone I love. To be able to watch you get married fills my heart with so much joy. You deserve every happiness possible. And I swear to you, the only thing I will be jealous or envious of, is the fact that you have those amazing shoes and I don't!!!! I love you. I wish you both nothing but the best for everyday of your life.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Lips.
Music is normally what helps with my blog writing, but this morning, while I think about family, friends and life... its appropriate that my background noise is the sound of my son's sunday morning cartoons, the washer doing laundry, the kettle boiling for tea and eggs in the pan.
So, I have been at home thinking about the people in our lives, many of which come and go, but not to say that they don't leave their impressions behind. But then there are those who take something with them. They are so much a part of you, that when they leave, you most definitely feel like you've lost something. And it never goes away. Soulmates?
The term "soulmate" has many different meanings, depending on your culture or even depending on your own personal beliefs. That's the beauty of it, no one can tell you that you're wrong...its how you feel. But as a generalization; soulmates have been loosely defined as:
Some think of a soulmate (soul mate) as a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul, which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate. In New Age spirituality, the ultimate soulmate is the one and only other half of one's soul. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations. (Thank you wikipedia)
Deep natural affinity, similarity, compatibility...sounds like a bestfriend to me.
The stories of our lives, no matter how young or old we are, are filled with friends. Since we are old enough to look at another person with curious eyes, we have friends.
I recently heard a story about my dad. My mom had told me that she had a strange dream about someone yelling out the name "Pete" and proceeded to tell me that this was my fathers childhood nickname. My fathers name is NO WHERE close to being Pete, so imagine my confusion. I later text my dad to ask him about it. He told me that when he was little, his bestfriend used to ride on the back of his tricycle as "sure shot sam" throwing stones at things (even though his name WAS NOT even close to Sam) and my dad was "pilot Pete." And to this very day, some people STILL call him Pete because the nickname stuck. His friend however died in a tragic accident when he was 22.
Icarus, Fork, Tiny, Porl, Chachi, Spanky, Banana, Bean...The names that we've given or had given to us become a memory. A permanent imprint in our history. At the time of naming, it might not be funny, but later in life; ALWAYS remembered with a smile.
I nicknamed one of my bestfriends. We were silly drunk one night. I'm pretty sure no one could tell you HOW she got the nickname. But, the nickname was pretty much the only part of the night we remembered. And it stuck. Til the day she died. That was a year ago...(depending on when you read this)
Every person on that list who has lost a bestfriend, and there are at least 4, and all at a very young age, have all had their lives not just affected but completely altered. My mum told me that something deeply changed in my dad when his bestfriend died. Something changed very deeply inside me when mine did. I know the same thing happened to the others as well. I feel like I've lost a part of me I will never get back. Like I had all the missing pieces and now I just have to be ok with an incomplete puzzle. I don't think that soulmates have to be just one person. I think it CAN be one. But for some others, it's more than one person to give you that "complete" feeling. I'm so grateful that I was lucky enough to get to see the whole puzzle finished before I lost a piece of it. And over time the image grows and changes, but I still know what it looked like when it first started out.
I miss you Spanky...every. single. day. There are very few things I do that I don't wish you were here for. You are very much a part of my heart AND soul. Even if the pictures burn and my memories are robbed by old age or disease, it doesn't change the fact I'll see you again. I love you endlessly, and miss you like crazy...but you're a bitch for leaving me in this world by myself!! Til next time...xoxo
So, I have been at home thinking about the people in our lives, many of which come and go, but not to say that they don't leave their impressions behind. But then there are those who take something with them. They are so much a part of you, that when they leave, you most definitely feel like you've lost something. And it never goes away. Soulmates?
The term "soulmate" has many different meanings, depending on your culture or even depending on your own personal beliefs. That's the beauty of it, no one can tell you that you're wrong...its how you feel. But as a generalization; soulmates have been loosely defined as:
Some think of a soulmate (soul mate) as a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul, which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate. In New Age spirituality, the ultimate soulmate is the one and only other half of one's soul. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations. (Thank you wikipedia)
Deep natural affinity, similarity, compatibility...sounds like a bestfriend to me.
The stories of our lives, no matter how young or old we are, are filled with friends. Since we are old enough to look at another person with curious eyes, we have friends.
I recently heard a story about my dad. My mom had told me that she had a strange dream about someone yelling out the name "Pete" and proceeded to tell me that this was my fathers childhood nickname. My fathers name is NO WHERE close to being Pete, so imagine my confusion. I later text my dad to ask him about it. He told me that when he was little, his bestfriend used to ride on the back of his tricycle as "sure shot sam" throwing stones at things (even though his name WAS NOT even close to Sam) and my dad was "pilot Pete." And to this very day, some people STILL call him Pete because the nickname stuck. His friend however died in a tragic accident when he was 22.
Icarus, Fork, Tiny, Porl, Chachi, Spanky, Banana, Bean...The names that we've given or had given to us become a memory. A permanent imprint in our history. At the time of naming, it might not be funny, but later in life; ALWAYS remembered with a smile.
I nicknamed one of my bestfriends. We were silly drunk one night. I'm pretty sure no one could tell you HOW she got the nickname. But, the nickname was pretty much the only part of the night we remembered. And it stuck. Til the day she died. That was a year ago...(depending on when you read this)
Every person on that list who has lost a bestfriend, and there are at least 4, and all at a very young age, have all had their lives not just affected but completely altered. My mum told me that something deeply changed in my dad when his bestfriend died. Something changed very deeply inside me when mine did. I know the same thing happened to the others as well. I feel like I've lost a part of me I will never get back. Like I had all the missing pieces and now I just have to be ok with an incomplete puzzle. I don't think that soulmates have to be just one person. I think it CAN be one. But for some others, it's more than one person to give you that "complete" feeling. I'm so grateful that I was lucky enough to get to see the whole puzzle finished before I lost a piece of it. And over time the image grows and changes, but I still know what it looked like when it first started out.
I miss you Spanky...every. single. day. There are very few things I do that I don't wish you were here for. You are very much a part of my heart AND soul. Even if the pictures burn and my memories are robbed by old age or disease, it doesn't change the fact I'll see you again. I love you endlessly, and miss you like crazy...but you're a bitch for leaving me in this world by myself!! Til next time...xoxo
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Into the deep end.......
Searching for some deep rooted soulful passion about anything...When I want soulful inspiration, I resort to Joss Stone.
Sometimes all it takes is someone in our lives with a voice more powerful than the voice of doubt inside our heads. But when we are conflicted with a voice that fulfills us with a powerful boost of optimism and guarding ourselves against hurt how do we balance?
I always believed if I was going to do something, I was going to do it right. I can swim, so why the hell not jump into the deep end? Confidence in our ability can sometimes make us forget the variables. What if you're too tall when you jump and you hit the bottom? Somewhere along the line, someone (who apparently is much smarter than I am!) figured this out and started posting the depth as a warning to prevent potential injury.
Well fuck. If only everything in life was that easy.
Just post a sign:
"I'm a bad boyfriend"
"I'm a shitty boss"
"I'm a jealous friend"
"I'm a liar"
"I have no idea who I am"
"I'm the best friend you'll ever have"
"I'm loyal"
"I'm not who you think I am"
What if we could? What if we could post signs around everyone's neck? Part of me thinks it would make everything so much easier...but the unfortunate part about that, and this is just me purely being me, but, I've never been known to take the easy road. And that statement right there is the stupid optimism speaking... I used to believe with my whole heart that everything that is meant to be worth anything in this life isn't easy. Love isn't easy, relationships aren't easy, friendships aren't always easy... You have to fucking FIGHT for ANYTHING that really means something to you. Cause if you aren't willing to fight for it, then it really can't mean that much to you.
But CHRIST! Does it ALWAYS have to be a damn fight? You think...just once, please, can I see the signs? You sit there pulling your hair in frustration cause, you hit the bottom. You jumped in, head first, and it fucking hurt. So now, you're trying so hard to read the signs, and its a fucking mess. Do you know how hard it is to fight for something while you're still recovering from injury? Its like a long, drawn out, metaphorical version of the flu! You know, when you're horribly sick and you go to work anyways instead of staying home to rest? And because you go to work, you just end up wearing yourself out more, and it takes so much longer to recover? And the worst part being; you try everything you can find to help make yourself feel better, but its a virus that just has to run its course...no amount of self medicating helps.
So you jumped in, you hit your head, and now its all fuzzy. The signs are blurred and you can't see anything clearly... So now what? I say - Fuck it. Jump again. Its not like you can see the signs anyways. Just hopefully this time, you have someone behind to pull you above water should you knock yourself out again. Life is too short to always play it safe. And maybe the risk isn't always worth the reward, but I think the only life preserver we get is hope. To look as clearly as we can, and hope we aren't going to hit the bottom, and if we do, we hope that we get to do it again, cause everyone knows the best part of jumping into the deep end, is the rush from the jump itself. Its always more fun to fly through the air for a short time, than sit out entirely. Because, eventually, we do recover from our injuries. We DO survive. And as much we want to say it makes us wiser, it doesn't. And everytime we jump with childish enthusiasm, we get the same rush, and it's still fun... so fun in fact, we keep doing it over and over again. And we may say it isn't worth it when we get hurt, but we lie.
Because if it wasn't, we wouldn't keep doing it, and we wouldn't WANT to do it again...but we do. We might have to stop and take a break, but it doesn't stop us going back for more.
Sometimes all it takes is someone in our lives with a voice more powerful than the voice of doubt inside our heads. But when we are conflicted with a voice that fulfills us with a powerful boost of optimism and guarding ourselves against hurt how do we balance?
I always believed if I was going to do something, I was going to do it right. I can swim, so why the hell not jump into the deep end? Confidence in our ability can sometimes make us forget the variables. What if you're too tall when you jump and you hit the bottom? Somewhere along the line, someone (who apparently is much smarter than I am!) figured this out and started posting the depth as a warning to prevent potential injury.
Well fuck. If only everything in life was that easy.
Just post a sign:
"I'm a bad boyfriend"
"I'm a shitty boss"
"I'm a jealous friend"
"I'm a liar"
"I have no idea who I am"
"I'm the best friend you'll ever have"
"I'm loyal"
"I'm not who you think I am"
What if we could? What if we could post signs around everyone's neck? Part of me thinks it would make everything so much easier...but the unfortunate part about that, and this is just me purely being me, but, I've never been known to take the easy road. And that statement right there is the stupid optimism speaking... I used to believe with my whole heart that everything that is meant to be worth anything in this life isn't easy. Love isn't easy, relationships aren't easy, friendships aren't always easy... You have to fucking FIGHT for ANYTHING that really means something to you. Cause if you aren't willing to fight for it, then it really can't mean that much to you.
But CHRIST! Does it ALWAYS have to be a damn fight? You think...just once, please, can I see the signs? You sit there pulling your hair in frustration cause, you hit the bottom. You jumped in, head first, and it fucking hurt. So now, you're trying so hard to read the signs, and its a fucking mess. Do you know how hard it is to fight for something while you're still recovering from injury? Its like a long, drawn out, metaphorical version of the flu! You know, when you're horribly sick and you go to work anyways instead of staying home to rest? And because you go to work, you just end up wearing yourself out more, and it takes so much longer to recover? And the worst part being; you try everything you can find to help make yourself feel better, but its a virus that just has to run its course...no amount of self medicating helps.
So you jumped in, you hit your head, and now its all fuzzy. The signs are blurred and you can't see anything clearly... So now what? I say - Fuck it. Jump again. Its not like you can see the signs anyways. Just hopefully this time, you have someone behind to pull you above water should you knock yourself out again. Life is too short to always play it safe. And maybe the risk isn't always worth the reward, but I think the only life preserver we get is hope. To look as clearly as we can, and hope we aren't going to hit the bottom, and if we do, we hope that we get to do it again, cause everyone knows the best part of jumping into the deep end, is the rush from the jump itself. Its always more fun to fly through the air for a short time, than sit out entirely. Because, eventually, we do recover from our injuries. We DO survive. And as much we want to say it makes us wiser, it doesn't. And everytime we jump with childish enthusiasm, we get the same rush, and it's still fun... so fun in fact, we keep doing it over and over again. And we may say it isn't worth it when we get hurt, but we lie.
Because if it wasn't, we wouldn't keep doing it, and we wouldn't WANT to do it again...but we do. We might have to stop and take a break, but it doesn't stop us going back for more.
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