Searching for some deep rooted soulful passion about anything...When I want soulful inspiration, I resort to Joss Stone.
Sometimes all it takes is someone in our lives with a voice more powerful than the voice of doubt inside our heads. But when we are conflicted with a voice that fulfills us with a powerful boost of optimism and guarding ourselves against hurt how do we balance?
I always believed if I was going to do something, I was going to do it right. I can swim, so why the hell not jump into the deep end? Confidence in our ability can sometimes make us forget the variables. What if you're too tall when you jump and you hit the bottom? Somewhere along the line, someone (who apparently is much smarter than I am!) figured this out and started posting the depth as a warning to prevent potential injury.
Well fuck. If only everything in life was that easy.
Just post a sign:
"I'm a bad boyfriend"
"I'm a shitty boss"
"I'm a jealous friend"
"I'm a liar"
"I have no idea who I am"
"I'm the best friend you'll ever have"
"I'm loyal"
"I'm not who you think I am"
What if we could? What if we could post signs around everyone's neck? Part of me thinks it would make everything so much easier...but the unfortunate part about that, and this is just me purely being me, but, I've never been known to take the easy road. And that statement right there is the stupid optimism speaking... I used to believe with my whole heart that everything that is meant to be worth anything in this life isn't easy. Love isn't easy, relationships aren't easy, friendships aren't always easy... You have to fucking FIGHT for ANYTHING that really means something to you. Cause if you aren't willing to fight for it, then it really can't mean that much to you.
But CHRIST! Does it ALWAYS have to be a damn fight? You think...just once, please, can I see the signs? You sit there pulling your hair in frustration cause, you hit the bottom. You jumped in, head first, and it fucking hurt. So now, you're trying so hard to read the signs, and its a fucking mess. Do you know how hard it is to fight for something while you're still recovering from injury? Its like a long, drawn out, metaphorical version of the flu! You know, when you're horribly sick and you go to work anyways instead of staying home to rest? And because you go to work, you just end up wearing yourself out more, and it takes so much longer to recover? And the worst part being; you try everything you can find to help make yourself feel better, but its a virus that just has to run its course...no amount of self medicating helps.
So you jumped in, you hit your head, and now its all fuzzy. The signs are blurred and you can't see anything clearly... So now what? I say - Fuck it. Jump again. Its not like you can see the signs anyways. Just hopefully this time, you have someone behind to pull you above water should you knock yourself out again. Life is too short to always play it safe. And maybe the risk isn't always worth the reward, but I think the only life preserver we get is hope. To look as clearly as we can, and hope we aren't going to hit the bottom, and if we do, we hope that we get to do it again, cause everyone knows the best part of jumping into the deep end, is the rush from the jump itself. Its always more fun to fly through the air for a short time, than sit out entirely. Because, eventually, we do recover from our injuries. We DO survive. And as much we want to say it makes us wiser, it doesn't. And everytime we jump with childish enthusiasm, we get the same rush, and it's still fun... so fun in fact, we keep doing it over and over again. And we may say it isn't worth it when we get hurt, but we lie.
Because if it wasn't, we wouldn't keep doing it, and we wouldn't WANT to do it again...but we do. We might have to stop and take a break, but it doesn't stop us going back for more.
