Music is normally what helps with my blog writing, but this morning, while I think about family, friends and life... its appropriate that my background noise is the sound of my son's sunday morning cartoons, the washer doing laundry, the kettle boiling for tea and eggs in the pan.
So, I have been at home thinking about the people in our lives, many of which come and go, but not to say that they don't leave their impressions behind. But then there are those who take something with them. They are so much a part of you, that when they leave, you most definitely feel like you've lost something. And it never goes away. Soulmates?
The term "soulmate" has many different meanings, depending on your culture or even depending on your own personal beliefs. That's the beauty of it, no one can tell you that you're wrong...its how you feel. But as a generalization; soulmates have been loosely defined as:
Some think of a soulmate (soul mate) as a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul, which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate. In New Age spirituality, the ultimate soulmate is the one and only other half of one's soul. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations. (Thank you wikipedia)
Deep natural affinity, similarity, compatibility...sounds like a bestfriend to me.
The stories of our lives, no matter how young or old we are, are filled with friends. Since we are old enough to look at another person with curious eyes, we have friends.
I recently heard a story about my dad. My mom had told me that she had a strange dream about someone yelling out the name "Pete" and proceeded to tell me that this was my fathers childhood nickname. My fathers name is NO WHERE close to being Pete, so imagine my confusion. I later text my dad to ask him about it. He told me that when he was little, his bestfriend used to ride on the back of his tricycle as "sure shot sam" throwing stones at things (even though his name WAS NOT even close to Sam) and my dad was "pilot Pete." And to this very day, some people STILL call him Pete because the nickname stuck. His friend however died in a tragic accident when he was 22.
Icarus, Fork, Tiny, Porl, Chachi, Spanky, Banana, Bean...The names that we've given or had given to us become a memory. A permanent imprint in our history. At the time of naming, it might not be funny, but later in life; ALWAYS remembered with a smile.
I nicknamed one of my bestfriends. We were silly drunk one night. I'm pretty sure no one could tell you HOW she got the nickname. But, the nickname was pretty much the only part of the night we remembered. And it stuck. Til the day she died. That was a year ago...(depending on when you read this)
Every person on that list who has lost a bestfriend, and there are at least 4, and all at a very young age, have all had their lives not just affected but completely altered. My mum told me that something deeply changed in my dad when his bestfriend died. Something changed very deeply inside me when mine did. I know the same thing happened to the others as well. I feel like I've lost a part of me I will never get back. Like I had all the missing pieces and now I just have to be ok with an incomplete puzzle. I don't think that soulmates have to be just one person. I think it CAN be one. But for some others, it's more than one person to give you that "complete" feeling. I'm so grateful that I was lucky enough to get to see the whole puzzle finished before I lost a piece of it. And over time the image grows and changes, but I still know what it looked like when it first started out.
I miss you Spanky...every. single. day. There are very few things I do that I don't wish you were here for. You are very much a part of my heart AND soul. Even if the pictures burn and my memories are robbed by old age or disease, it doesn't change the fact I'll see you again. I love you endlessly, and miss you like crazy...but you're a bitch for leaving me in this world by myself!! Til next time...xoxo
